wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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