did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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