i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
