My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Randomize
