I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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