Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
