...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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