Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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