Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
