If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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