literally had 100 drinks last night.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
