Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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