He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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