Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
