Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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