Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
we should paint friendship bongs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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