I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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