If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
