Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
