highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Randomize