I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
