I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
