her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
