Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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