In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
