My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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