Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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