ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
