After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
