they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
