you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
