How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
