I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
