he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
