New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
