"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize