I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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