I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
