I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
