he wants to bone in the snuggie
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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