This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
