I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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