maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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