She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
