I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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