Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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