I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
