we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
