I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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