I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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