Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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