I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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