I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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