i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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