Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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