She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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