Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The Olympian is in my bed
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
