i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
