What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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