My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You may now shotgun with the bride
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
