are you still at the devil's house?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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