This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
