Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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