now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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