One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
